Why?
Alright, good news. I’ve finally decided to look at other girls again. I also realizes some of the messes with Supergirl. It’s not her, more the issues I’ve been blind to. I’m starting to like someone else, but I’m not saying who.
All I can say is I can scrap She’s Always a woman to me and Just the way you are both by Billy Joel, and not feel regret for doing so. I believe I’ve said something like this before, but… well I’m going to try as hard as I can to make sure i don’t have issues anymore in that category, i really just need to stay away, I do better when I’m not around. Maybe in the summer, MAYBE, I’ll probably just hang around her parents more than anything, I like them as seperate people, not just Supergirl’s family.
I still have doubts, everyone has doubts on things, but I’m letting them get to me, I need a slap in the face every so often (or more). If anyone wants to provide today’s go ahead.
No one ask about the following, it’s just a rant that I need to say so it feels like I’m getting it out. Everyone has doubts, these are just some of mine that need to be voiced.
But it’s just soo confusing, first one thing happens, you have to redo your life or so you say, and then you do something else. I don’t get the new you, and so far the old you seemed to do less damage. I mean what the new you did was just plain stupid, even if i don’t know all of it. If you didn’t want to be a hypocrite then don’t do THAT. If you would have yelled at me, told me you don’t care, or something before that. I might not have cared.
Maybe it’s me, I know I’m torturing myself. But now it seems like your trying to go out of you way to prove that your a ****h, which your not. You’re just making a bigger mess and hoping it cancels out the first one to me. I am killing myself emotionally here. That’s my fault.
Like Conner, I seem to be on the verge of tears for this.
Half of me is accepting the fact that us, we are over. But another half…. can someone kill it please. I’m usually the one helping other people. What happens when the helper needs help? I dare to consider myself even a sliver better than most people, I’m acutally worse. I can’t get over a single event. I’ve done it before but they’ve all made it clear they don’t care.
All i know is that when this newer you is gone the better, because right now she’s very very stupid. I mean you even hinted at this stuff, I’d prefer it if you dated because if that is your idea of fun. I don’t know you anymore. Jiminey Cricket, I hate the thought of being so depressed and such like this. But I’m doing it. I have a feeling that “i will just… have some fun.” ment you where planning this from that day, and of course there’s the opposite feeling, but that does suggest something. Again, the new you… happy now? You’ve actually created an illusion of what you DIDN’T want people to see. I love you, how and why?, i don’t know why, but as a friend I would ask anyone, “What the hell where you thinking?”, but please wake up from this. You want to know what my motive is? My motive is to be able to be your friend, somewhere in your life after this, i don’t know how this stupid thing effects that, but… well, i say again like above, it was stupid of you, if your friends convinced you to do that, they’re not your friends, they just want whatever kicks they can get from you before they move on to someone else, If you want to be like that, then your friends are fitting. If not, then why do you hang around them? You have to be blunt to someone in this, i don’t care who it is, even if it’s me. It will at least get my emotional baggage off of you.
Someone just help. I don’t think i can get up from this one.
Today: 1st period, shit happened. 2nd period, we read the weirdest story about a zhen buddhist who apparently died or something, was kind of sad and yet calm at the same time…weird. 3rd period, boring… some music, processing the shit. Lunch, actually good, same as yesterday. 4th period: Movie about eisenhower, was really good, still processing shit… Now i have to sleep after ranting this emo shit. I don’t want to go to sleep, i know i won’t be able to.
I really really want to talk to Aubrey right now but she’s not online, and i don’t want to worry her about this, it’s just that she knows how I feel, having felt it herself.
Best part about today: Lunch, same as last time.
Worst Part about Today: guess
Dream on? Get real, the dream is dead, they’re just a bunch of empty notes being played on a record.
Dom
